$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
