Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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