I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
