Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
