If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
