I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
