Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
