Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
