I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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