You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
