20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So. Much. Porn.
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