Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
