so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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