She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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