I feel great
I just peed on a car
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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