I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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