i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
