Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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