we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
