I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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