he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
