i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
