I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't think brook has ever known best
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
