I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
