i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
