My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize