Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
