omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
