I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
