just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
