woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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