does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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