new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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