it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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