I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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