Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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