What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
