i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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