She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
whose parrot is this?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
