3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
