omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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