please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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