I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
