Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
