so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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