I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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