I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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