I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
