So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
