No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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