there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
