So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
