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It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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