i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
