I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
