I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
