My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
