The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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