Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
