I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
