His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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