Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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