Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
