Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
