she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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