i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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