So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
