Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
