I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
