I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
