oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my being single is dangerous.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
