Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
that is very illegal...i love you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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