You just made me feel so damn special
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
