Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
