Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
